Becoming a 10yrs old scientist

Today I celebrate exactly 10 years since I got my MS Degree in Geological Sciences. It was a hot day in Padova, the 20th July 2004. Magna cum laude. A few friends, mostly musicians, attended my defence and sang the famous (in Padova) "dottore, dottore...". "dottore, dottore...". After a nice journey to Norway, in a few months I was back at the university... for a PhD position. Ten years have already gone. Although I'm a bit disappointed by the research world and I've opposite feelings about leaving or staying in this field, I will celebrate this important anniversary by listing 5 good and 5 bad things of being scientist.

1. You learn something new every day.
2. You travel a lot (if you get funded), meeting other scientists with the very same problems as you, but perhaps with the solutions you were looking for.
3. You learn to speak a kind of international English, helped by words similar to those in your own language and an universal gesture (if mediterranean), and you learn to understand the same international English spoken with any possible accent.
4. You have good friends that are also your colleagues. You share with them success, party time, frustration, food, beer,... a lot of beer.
5. You can feel young as long as you wish, wearing teen clothes even when you have lunch in fancy restaurants with important guests, exaggerating your reactions: getting excited for a good result and upset for a criticism.

1. You feel that you'll never know enough of what you are studying. You never feel completely confident in what you do or say.
2. You change so often the bed where you sleep that you don't know anymore where's your home. In addition a permanent position is a dream and every two-three years you have to face a new start somewhere in the world, learning a new language and dealing with a different culture and its bureaucracy.
3. You cannot speak proper English. Native speakers will always have fun of you.
4. Your colleagues become also your friends and sometimes even your family. It's hard to have social life outside the science world, especially if you don't speak the local language and you don't have hobbies.
5. You never become adult. You never have time for your house, which is a temporary accommodation anyway. You end up eating at random time in front of your computer or performing measurements and experiments (wait, never eat in the lab!!!).


Happy scientist-birthday!

Wie schön dass du geboren bist!

Quant'è bello che tu sia nato! Queste sono le parole del ritornello di una canzone del 1981, scritta e composta da tal Rolf Zuckowsky come canto per bambini per le feste di compleanno. Nonostante sia un po' cresciutella, avevo chiesto ai colleghi di cantarmela quest'anno, ricordando la commozione quando la sentii da due amici tedeschi nel mio unico compleanno a Vienna da sola. Nessuno s'è preso la briga di cercarsi il testo per almeno leggermelo. Pazienza! Ho festeggiato allegramente lo stesso il mio primo (e spero unico) compleanno a Bxl e non a casa con i miei (solitamente cerco di combinare un rientro con questa festività).

Oggi non è il mio compleanno, ma volevo tradurne il testo qui perché credo che contenga punti di riflessione e d'incoraggiamento per tutti, quando si attraversa magari un momento di depressione o di smarrimento. Cosa che accade a chi vive lontano dalla famiglia, a chi si sente inutile, a chi soffre per la malattia ed in genere a chi si sente solo anche se in mezzo alla gente. Non si può esser tristi cantando questa coinvolgente canzoncina! Per il karaoke, questo è il link (con traduzione anche in inglese): video. L'ho tradotto in qualche modo in italiano perché la maggior parte delle mie conoscenze o parla italiano... o come minimo comprende il tedesco se non è madrelingua.

1. Heute kann es regnen, stürmen oder schneien,
denn du strahlst ja selber wie der Sonnenschein.
Heut ist dein Geburtstag, darum feiern wir,
alle deine Freunde freuen sich mit dir

Oggi può piovere, far tempesta o nevicare,
tu brilli da solo come la luce del sole.
Oggi è il tuo compleanno, perciò festeggiamo,
tutti i tuoi amici si felicitano con te.

Refrain: Wie schön dass du geboren bist,
wir hätten dich sonst sehr vermisst.
wie schön dass wir beisammen sind,
wir gratulieren dir, Geburtstagskind!

Rit. Che bello che tu sia nato,
altrimenti avremmo sentito molto la tua mancanza.
Che bello essere tutti assieme,
congratulazioni, piccolo festeggiato!

2. Unsere guten Wünsche haben ihren Grund:

bitte bleib noch lange glücklich und gesund.

Dich so froh zu sehen, ist was uns gefällt,
Tränen gibt es schon genug auf dieser Welt.

I nostri buoni auguri hanno una ragione:
per favore resta ancora a lungo felice ed in salute.
Ciò che ci piace è vederti così felice,
ci sono già abbastanza lacrime in questo mondo.
Rit.

3. Montag, Dienstag, Mittwoch, das ist ganz egal,
Dein Geburtstag kommt im Jahr doch nur einmal.
Darum lass uns feiern, dass die Schwarte kracht,
Heute wird getanzt, gesungen und gelacht.

Lunedì, martedì, mercoledì, è lo stesso.
Il tuo compleanno viene solo una volta l'anno.
Perciò festeggiamo "fino all'esaurimento"
Oggi si balla, canta e ride.
Rit. 

4. Wieder ein Jahr älter, nimm es nicht so schwer,
denn am Älterwerden änderst du nichts mehr.
Zähle deine Jahre und denk'stets daran:
sie sind wie ein Schatz, den dir keiner nehmen kann.

Nuovamente più vecchio, non prenderla così male,
nel diventare più vecchio non si cambia più.
Conta i tuoi anni e pensa a questo:
sono come un tesoro che nessuno ti può prendere.
Rit. 

The tale of a violets pot

Once upon a time a violets pot was sitting on the desk of a sad PhD student in the beautiful city of Vienna. The flowers brought some beauty and peace in that ostile environment. This PhD student soon realized that her life was elsewhere and therefore she moved back to Italy.  Before leaving, she left the violets pot to me, as memento.

My birthday in Vienna in 2011

Some months later, I celebrated my birthday. For the first time I haven’t gone home for staying with my parents, but I was waiting for a couple of friends from my hometown. In the morning, I went working as usual. Another sad PhD student made me finding on the desk a present: red tulips in a cute fabric vase. She was going to quit her position in Vienna, too. They both have later found the happiness in Italy. Perhaps they gave up with the contradictory academic world just in time.

The last year I had to leave Vienna. I couldn’t bring the violets with me and I left them on my desk. During the three years in Austria, these flowers had listened to my outbursts and my confessions, they survived despite my irregular care and gave me flowers every spring. Although I've never liked flowers and plants, I loved these violets.

The first year in Brussels has been too much dark for having a living being at home. Then I moved to a new district and the light began to enter again from my windows. The day of the moving, a friend of mine gave a nice vase with an exotic flower. There is the possibility that she will leave Belgium, but she didn't consider the idea at that time.

The new violets, remembering three friends

A couple of days ago I went to the local supermarket for buying something quickly. At the check out I saw a lonely violets pot, probably left over by someone before me. I was touched by those refused flowers. I asked the price. The cashier had to ask it with the microphone. I felt the hate of all the people waiting after me. Ehm, sorry! Finally I knew the ridiculous price and I bought the flowers.

Now the violets pot is on my kitchen window, with the tissue vase I brought from Vienna and next to the exotic flower. After 3 years, I have again some violets, with velvet leaves and cute flowers! The first thing I greet in the morning while I have breakfast and the last to which I wish goodnight after dinner. It’s not like having a pet, but at least it’s a living being, which will not suffer much my absence during the working time but that will enjoy with me the rainy and sunny days during my staying in Belgium.

Take-home message: Don’t give me flowers, unless you want to leave the country where you currently live. Chocolate is a fine alternative ;)

At home?

After 4 yrs living abroad and a recent relocation to a new apartment, I wonder how much do I feel to belong to a place. Or better where do I feel at home. What do I mean when I say –I’m going home— the place where I currently live or my parents’ house?  Four yrs might have been enough to make me feeling a beloved guest during my visits in my hometown, although I spent there about 30 yrs of my life.

The reasons why I don’t feel at home in my hometown in Italy come from the past. When my parents decided to move back to Italy from Germany, I went to the nearest kindergarden, but I’ve never been considered a “local” by my schoolmates. Only recently a couple of mates have greeted me as “back home". For sure, in my parents' house I feel as I’ve never left, but I've never considered to move back there, unless forced by events. I don't feel my hometown “my place”.

Vienna is the most comfortable place where I've lived and I miss a lot the life I had there. Although I miss the concerts, the churches, the gardens, the food (especially the Mohnstrudel), and the beauty of Vienna, I know that I don’t belong to that city. It was really nice to live there. It was like a dream that cannot last forever, after a while becomes unbearable. In addition, I had a flat in a student dorm, not the place one would consider "home".

At the beginning Brussels reminded me the worst of Padova. In summary: the traffic jams, the slowness of bureaucracy, the scarce care to customers in shops, the frequent frauds, the petty crimes, the insufficient public transportation, etc. The first 6-8 months I deeply hated this place. Then I found a kind of agreement for surviving. Finally I moved in another area and it seems I moved in another continent. Although now I feel that I could stay here for the rest of my life, I know that also this solution will be probably as temporary as Vienna, because of my job.

Anyway, wherever I move I always feel a foreigner. The main problem is the language, in my hometown I didn't speak the local dialect, in Vienna proper Wienerisch (not even decent German), in Brussels I'm fighting with terrible English, a bit of Dutch and pretty bad French. What will come next? Erasmus, who lived in town, said  that home is where the hearth is. My brain is in Germany, my stomach between Italy and Austria, but I liked also a lot Japan, although my hands would prefer Swiss organs,...  I’m afraid my hearth has still to find its place.

What italian emigrants do

Recently an italian newspaper hosted a debate about what italian emigrants do.

According to Matteo Cavezzali, who lives in Italy:

1. They go out only with other Italians.

2. They know everything about italian politics, especially about Berlusconi, even if they emigrated because they were sick of him.

3. They miss the italian sun, because they live in cold and gray countries, but they don’t want to admit it.

4. They eat bad, they look for good italian restaurants but they cannot find one.

5. They have jobs that in Italy they would have never accepted.

6. They cheat (e.g., don’t pay the bus ticket) and they forget to pay taxes.

7. They dislike going back to Italy, even for a short trip, because they feel superior.

The reply by Andrea D’Addio, who lives in Berlin, was:

1. They do not wash their car because they use public transportations or their bike.

2. They miss the sun and they do poor jobs, but the working conditions are much better than in Italy and they can pay for luxury vacations in sunny countries.

3. They generally eat at home, cooking by themselves, but they also try exotic restaurants.

4. They go out mostly with other Italians, but they work in an international environment. Their friends are true friends and the nationality doesn’t matter.

5. They try to build their own family because the host nation helps families, although the salaries might be not that high.

6. They follow the italian politics because they care about their country. When they are asked about Berlusconi, they want to give a good answer.

7. They don't envy who remained in Italy. They know how difficult is leaving friends, family and country for going in a hostile place, so they hope one day to go back to Italy.

Ovviamente non possiedo alcun diritto sull'immagine. Italia, è questo che pensi di noi?

Somehow Matteo and Andrea are both right.

- I go out with other Italians but also with international colleagues. My friends are from different nationalities.

- I always read the italian news, but also those of host country. News are filtered before being published abroad, I can have a different point of view than while I was in Italy. I’m sick of questions about B., I don’t have an answer.

- In Brussels I don’t cook at home as often as I was used to do in Vienna, but I still cook when I invite friends to my place for a dinner. Many other (not only) Italians do the same. I must admit, I like enjoying a restaurant sometimes. I try italian restaurants (often suggested by Belgians) but I prefer local restaurants or very exotic ones. During my stay in Japan, I didn’t miss the italian food, I loved eating japanese, even when I didn’t know what I had in the dish.

- Honestly, I never complain for the temperature. I don’t miss the “italian sun” because I grew up in a foggy and gray part of Italy. I like even the rain. Probably I’m the only Italian who says that.

- I was lucky, I got the job I like, with a position consistent with my qualification. Other italians weren’t that lucky, unfortunately, but the foreign governments usually help unemployed people.

- I’ve always payed my duties, in Italy and abroad. The honesty was part of my education, if italians behave bad, they should blame their parents.

- I dislike going to Italy because I feel bad for my country. The comparison with other countries is sad, the solution to many problems is much closer then expected… if only we would be able to look to the problem from another point of view…

Disclaimer: I might have misinterpreted Matteo and Andrea's opinion in the attempt to translate. This is my interpretation of what they have written.

Christmas-vacation tales

Preface

Although I’m clearly not skilled in foreign languages, I try to do my best. I’m not even perfect in Italian, which is my mother language. I have the feeling that even my English is worsening since I moved to Brussels, but now I’m able to say a couple of sentences also in bad French and Dutch. Thus, I’ll keep writing in English, because this is a way to practice and because I believe the content is more important than the syntax. Well, who cares of a personal blog? Me. That’s enough.

In 2014 I celebrate some important anniversaries:

- 15 yrs from my high school diploma

- 10 yrs from my Ms in Geological Science

- 10 yrs since I moved to live by my own

- 6 years from the publication of my first scientific paper

- 5 yrs from my first overseas flight (to San Francisco)

- 5 years from my PhD

As 10 yrs ago

As usual, I've spent a couple of weeks in my hometown. This year, as previously, I’ve organized a dinner with my university mates. Although some of them couldn’t join us, we were 12, with at least half of us at “home” only for Christmas, after having migrated abroad for a job. Only a few of us still work in Italy, but almost all were able to stay in the field.

This dinner was as entertaining and funny as 10 yrs ago. During the dinner we planned the next meeting, possibly in summer, to celebrate 10 yrs from graduation with a whole weekend together, included a field trip on "our" mountains. Can't wait!

No snow…

My wish was enjoying a white Christmas in the mountains, but... Despite the weather forecast had called heavy snowstorms, in our area we didn’t see a single snowflake! Only rain or thick clouds. Although I like the rain and I love the cold air above 1000 m a.s.l., I couldn’t cope that sad atmosphere longer than a couple of days, so I asked my parents to go back to the foggy and warm plain. Nevertheless, it has snowed in other areas of the Italian Alps, causing an electrical black out that lasted more than four days. That’s Italy. Back to 100 yrs ago in a minute. What a time machine!

… no party

I was used to spend the New Year’s Eve with some friends from the Conservatorium, at my place or at a cellist’s place, having a lot of fun playing music together and baking italian traditional food. Not this year. Perhaps because I’ve lived abroad too long. Also the President, in his New Year's Eve speech has forgotten all the Italians living abroad. Are we still italian?

Anyway, this year I’ve spent the New Year’s Eve at home, watching an old movie, playing cards, sleeping, etc. as an old spinster. Not because I stayed at home, but because there wasn't a partner next to me. This year less noise came from my neighbors, maybe less money to waste and sadder mood, what is called crisis.

Chatting with old friends

Obviously I worked while at home, I played a lot as well, both organ and piano. But this is has been also the time for meeting people I see once a year or that I didn’t see for years. This is like meeting the past and making a comparison with what we have become in the meantime. Am I really different?

The first meeting was a dinner with my former organ teacher. Every meeting with him is a great experience, his knowledge about music is enormous, as well as his humility. Great musicians like him are quite rare. Although I had met him in october in Germany, this dinner gave me the chance to meet also his family and a close friend (and very promising musician, too), who is studying in Vienna. The result was a delicious dinner, for the food, the atmosphere and the culture. The second meeting was with my friend cellist. We played together many times, after only a single rehearsal we were ready for a concert, with an incredible harmony. Nevertheless, we are quite different and when we tried to spend together some days of vacation we almost broke out. We had a nice dinner with other friends, playing and chatting until 2 am. As usual.

The third meeting was with mates, who I didn’t see since the primary school. Actually we met sometimes on the train to Padova during the university years and we keep in touch with Fb. We talked of the current situation of Italy but also of other topics, remembering our old schoolmates. The fourth meeting was with a geology professor, with whom a project is going on. That has been a successful meeting:paper organized, interesting information and hints also for other current projects acquired, news about the recent changes in the recruiting system of italian universities… digested. As Tomasi di Lampedusa said: “Changing things so everything stays the same.” There are no hopes, I could never go back to Italy for my job.

Belgian routine

As soon as I landed, I fell in the usual rush. Hyper-busy with my job but also looking again for a new apartment  This is why this post is to late. Let’s hope that this time I’ll have better luck with the flat. Happy New Year!

10 anni da laureata precaria

Il 2013 si avvia rapidamente al termine e nel 2014 "festeggerò" dieci anni dalla laurea e cinque dal conseguimento del dottorato. Sono stata la seconda del mio anno a laurearmi, in luglio. Il primo fu in giugno, un altro geologo strutturale da 110 e lode. Il resto dalla sessione autunnale in poi. In media un anno di successo: quasi tutti laureati e con voti superiori al 100. Una classe fantastica che oltre i buoni risultati all'università vanta una spassionata amicizia che ci fa riunire almeno una volta all'anno. Ma che fine abbiamo fatto a quasi dieci anni dalla laurea? Ci dividiamo equamente tra chi condivide la precarietà e le emigrazioni forzate del mondo accademico e chi si barcamena nel privato, non sempre in Italia. I più fortunati hanno sputato sangue nelle compagnie petrolifere ma ora possono godere una relativa tranquillità e stabilità.

Quando iniziai il dottorato consideravo i giovani ricercatori il frutto della tipica carriera accademica: nel giro di nove-dieci anni dalla laurea, tra dottorato, borse e mesi "a gratis", erano riusciti ad diventare strutturati tramite concorso, più o meno blindato. Lavoravano molto, facendo anche quello che sarebbe spettato ai professori di prima fascia, forse nella speranza di uno scatto di carriera al pensionamento dell'ordinario di turno. Ammetto non fosse la mia massima aspirazione, preferendo dedicarmi alla ricerca pura o ad un lavoro pratico, ma mai avrei pensato che la mia generazione si trovasse prigioniera di un limbo apparentemente senza uscita. A dieci anni dalla laurea e cinque dal dottorato sono troppo vecchia per molti post-doc in Europa e troppo specializzata in un settore "inutile" per molti lavori nel privato. Ovviamente non considero nemmeno l'Italia, visto che quando me ne andai venni coscienziosamente informata di avere un biglietto di sola andata.

da qui

Questa situazione, in realtà, è per proteggere proprio i giovani ricercatori, almeno nei Paesi trainanti in Europa: dopo il dottorato, o si viene assunti nel privato o si fa un, ribadisco un, post-doc di due-tre anni all'estero (USA, Canada, Australia, Nord Europa, Svizzera). Al termine di questo periodo di arricchimento nei migliori istituti al mondo, il giovane ricercatore torna in patria e viene inserito nel sistema. In Germania nemmeno i professori hanno contratto a tempo indeterminato, ma difficilmente verranno lasciati a casa se mantengono un certo standard, al massimo saranno costretti a spostarsi in un'altra città.

In Italia, invece, tutto questo non succede. È già tanto riuscire a terminare il dottorato in patria. Poi, se si vuole far ricerca, prima o poi si è costretti ad emigrare. C'è chi lo fa per scelta, per arricchimento, come sarebbe auspicabile, ma comunque sa che sarà un viaggio senza possibilità di ritorno. Intanto in Italia si continua ad assumere. Non chi è stato all'estero, ma chi ha tenuto duro, magari umiliandosi quasi a schiavo del prof. di turno che avendo poche pubblicazioni non potrà mai permettersi un ricercatore più attivo di lui. Per carità, non è così ovunque. Esagero. Concedetemi l'iperbole. È però vero che quei pochi che cercano d'internazionalizzare i gruppi di ricerca italiani incontrano mille ostacoli e ad un certo punto abbandonano per sfinimento. Eppure nella mia modesta esperienza la ricerca in Italia è ancora la migliore, nonostante i mezzi limitati, perché la preparazione media italiana è più ampia e ci contraddistinguono flessibilità, creatività, spirito di collaborazione, onestà, etica professionale, etc., tutte doti che all'estero c'invidiano nella corsa alle pubblicazioni. 

Non mi lamento del sistema "scienza" che ha già tanti problemi, basti pensare che le case editrici si fanno pagare profumatamente gli abbonamenti mentre sfruttano scienziati e revisori gratis, sapendo che il numero di pubblicazioni è un criterio piuttosto oggettivo per valutare un candidato. Mi lamento di come nel nostro Paese stiamo perdendo una delle cose migliori. Non mi riferisco alla mia carriera, forse destinata a fallire in ogni caso, non siamo tutti nati per diventare ricercatori. Il 20 luglio 2014 non ci sarà nulla da festeggiare, anzi sì, forse: il rinnovo di un anno dell'attuale contratto, ossia del mio terzo post-doc, il secondo all'estero di un'infinita (?) serie. Non dovrei affatto lamentarmi, finché c'è lavoro c'è vita.